Bex you have a big heart, I have thought this since I started reading your posts here. I was expecting at various points to hear from people, "You're depressed because you haven't found Jesus" or "You chose to be a parent, this is what it is to be one, did you think it would be a picnic," or even "there are people here who are so sick they are suicidal so get a grip." Thank you for your understanding response. I think your brother and his wife must be very thankful for what you do for them, and I bet the little tyke loves the attention from you! Little Shelly always loves someone new to play with.

You're right about depression. When a person isn't depressed, where is the motivation to change anything in their life, unless they are ill? Depression forces you to take a long hard look, and to make those changes, because you don't want to spend another moment in that state. I just wish I'd realised the cause a long time ago. And I'm happy to do things that will imporve my health in the meantime because they can't hurt and they might help.

I'm going to need to change what I do on the next chelation round, that's for sure. The DMSA/ALA combo seemed to work OK for me so maybe I'll stick with that for a while. I'm still dealing with the after-effects of the last round. I am tired, low, and very unmotivated today. I ought to take Shelly out to the park or something but I can barely drag myself around the house. All I want to do is eat sugar. So far I'm winning the battle but the cravings are terrible. I know that if I ate it, it would lead to a binge that was expensive on my pocketbook and my health. Sometimes it's just so tempting to say "no" to the awfulness and grab a break, even in a destructive way, but I've learned enough about where that leads not to have given in yet this time.

I do love my little girl, a lot. I just wish things could have been different. She needs to be with other people who can offer her other things. Same with me. It's summer holidays and we're stuck in the house without a car a lot of the time. Neighbours and friends are busy. We've been out to museums and fun parks, and to shops when I have the car, but that's about all I can do, I can't take her to Disneyand every day. Whoever invented the idea of summer holidays off school must have been nuts. (Will I be saying this when I am actually teaching again I wonder.)

Well, life goes on, and it's up to us to make the most of what we have. I'm glad you guys are here to talk to, it really helps. And good luck with the ventilation people Bex <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Linda.