Dawn, yes I think this is part of the reason why I feel yuck when I chelate, DMSA or not -- it's hard on my adrenals. I take some herbs to lower my cortisol, it's in a bit of a miess anyway because of the drug damage. Do you have any suggestions for what else I could do?

Tumbleweed thanks for sharing your story. I'm really glad you're feeling better, it's great to hear stories of success. As for me, my depression has a seasonal element and I always feel a little better at this time of year. At this time last year I was actually still "high" on my newfound nutritional knowledge and diet, and believed those things alone might heal me. With that belief came hope, and that helped a lot. This summer I know there's more to it than that and it rather feels like I've dug my feet in for the long haul.

Anon thanks for the link. For now I think I might stay here though. Lots of people here are knowledgeable and I think with their help I'll have the answers I need.

Thanks for writing Bex. No worries about supplements, I take plenty. Thanks for clearing up the question about mineral depletion. And also the brain fog. It's been about 6 hours since my last dose and things seem to be settling now, thank goodness. I'm still irritable and rather low, but not like yesterday, and my mind is more clear. My biggest fear was that the awfulness was setting in to stay, that I was doing myself damage. I'm sure you know this all too well, but when you've had a taste of feeing a little better, that somehow makes it twice as hard to be dragged back down into the mud again. However, if I thought it was necessary in order to actually get better, I think I'd get through it.

My biggest question is just always, Is mercury a problem for me? The symptoms I have could be mercury-related, or not. It seems telling that when I've had moments of happiness, it's lifted a bit. When I was able to work for 6 weeks last autumn, then despite the fact that I was in cortisol overload hell (which is why I ended up having to quit), I felt good enough mentally and emotionally to start thinking I didn't feel depressed anymore, and to consider picking up some of my old hobbies again, like ghost hunting with a local group of friends. This lasted a couple of days after I quit the job and then BANG, the awfulness was back again, full force.

The other symptoms I have could well be tied to the depression, and the resultant changes that's made in my biochemistry. My naturopath thinks the depression is endogenous -- tied to my life. I've had to learn the hard way that my ideals of motherhood have just not fitted the reality for me. I wanted to devote most of my time to joyfully raising my little girl, and if we could have afforded it I would have done some home schooling. What's happened has been that I've found my own life very constrained, almost to nonexistence; I am Shelly's mum, not "me." We have almost no help from family and friends, my husband and I almost never get time together without her, and I have little of that by myself -- two hours when she was at pre-school four days a week, and now day after day of unrelenting child minding. I am bored, I am lonely; I don't really know other mums. I need money, I need mental stimulation, and I can't get a job. I am not listing this in the hopes that people will feel sorry for me, I know that everyone has troubles of their own. But I think it's a plausible illustration of why I continue to be depressed. I get very little joy out of life and don't even enjoy playing with my daughter much because we're joined at the hip and we never get time apart. The only emotions I ever seem to feel are irritability and anger.

Mercury may be mixed into this somewhere but it's just hard to see the big picture. I think I will see how I go over the next few days, how I recover from the last chelation round. If that goes well I think I'll keep trying in the hopes that it will help.

Thanks everyone for the support <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Linda.