I emailed an agency once that was advertising for tutors. Once they found out I was a teacher they said I was exactly the kind of person they didn't want, and that if I tried to apply at their site or anyone else's they would blacklist my name. I've never got such a horrible email from anyone. You'd think that parents would like the person tutoring their child to have a teaching qualification. Maybe they thought that as soon as I got a job, I'd ditch whatever kid I was tutoring. But thier attitude put me off completely, and also made me wonder if I know absolutely nothing about the business and how it works.

I've tried various things. Last autumn I worked as a teaching assistant for 6 weeks. It was 4 full days at school per week. Unfortunately the overstimulation problems from the drug withdrawal got to me. Even though I carried earplugs with me, they weren't enough protection from music classes, out-of-control drama classes, and bells ringing near me. My depression lifted significantly, but the cortisol problems were too much and I had to quit.

I looked for months for a quieter, less demanding job in a shop, or doing clerical work. Didn't get interviews. I felt I had to put on my CV/resume that I'm a teacher, which probably put them right off hiring me.

I do actually want to be back working in a school, but I want it to be part-time and that's the big problem. I want to be here for my daughter, I don't want both her parents working too hard and being too short on time and energy. Besides, even if I wanted to work full time, I couldn't because of the overstimulation.

If i can't get anything after the course, I'll have to do substitue/supply teaching and hope I can make some contacts. I think I'm a pretty good teacher to tell the truth, but they make it very hard to get back into my profession after having a baby. I've asked myself many times if there's something I'd rather do, but there's a lot about teaching that appeals. And it pays decently.

I keep hoping that sooner or later something will turn up <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Part of me believes that I've learned all the lessons I've needed to at this point, goodness knows it's been an intensive three years, and I'm ready for a break. I guess many people here could say the same.

Anyway, one day at a time. I'm still pretty yucked out tonight, hoping tomorrow will be better. At least the irritability isn't there this time, and anxiety is only low level. Don't know why my body is reacting so much at the beginning of this round, when the last one was smooth sailing. The biggest problem I actually have is that the DMSA makes it hard for me to sleep. I take it at 10pm and 2am, and my sleep is rubbish. Usually I don't take the 2am dose on the third night, but the 10am one still seems to ensure that my sleep is fitful.

Anyway, I am thankful that I have less to complain about than many others here. It could be a lot worse.