Thanks Clare you too have been a very very dear friend but Ive lost all hope of this thing ever ending and its too unbearable to live with. Ive aways considered myself a strong person but this illness is evil, and Im not tne same person anymore. To top it all Keith has really turned against me in the last few days and takes the piss out of my suffering. He really does not give a damn about me and makes it very clear. I have never felt so lonley in my life. Every day I feel like Im screaming inside my head, I dont even know how th hell I make it through the day. The other day I was in bed with horrific pain and moaning and he just lent over me and did the same then told me to shut up. I see no future or light at the end of the tunnel any more. I never knew anything so bad could exist. Its almost swallows me up. Keith has been in bed most of the day and Ive had to look after Evie, God Ive been literally gritting my teeth all day. I know she will be fine cos my eldest daughter will have her to live with her. But God why have we had to go through all of this and live this hell with a possible life cut short because of such a stupid illness. I cant even cry any more cos I feel things are coming to a rapid end and I have things to sort out. Its so hard whenyouve got kids, I had such plans and was looking forward to so much. Thankyou for being a good friend, I hope to God, even though I dont believe, that you do recover, you are so young. Bless you with all my heart. Love Tracy.