He cant help me cos hes not my doc and to be honest things are moving so rapidly now I dont think Ive got a chance. But thankyou all for your kind thoughts. iM so lucky I found this forum and met such beautiful people all suffering, which none of you deserve. Life just seems like a game to me now, and boy did we all get the short straw. I am truly grateful to have known you all, and I do feel like I know you even if we havnt met. I dont believe in God but I hope there is somewhere we can all meet up some day. There has to be something better than this. I truly love you all, more than the best friends Ive ever had. Bless you all and good luck, I wish I could give each and every one of you a hug. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxTracy