Hi Jinx, it's heartbreaking to read your posts and seeing someone go through this and especially at your young age. Your feelings on God are totally understandable and no you haven't offended me. I've been there and still go there.

Your questions? I've asked them also. Many people lost their faith in the prisoner of war camps for the same reasons you gave. "where is God?", and we who are tortured by a neurotoxin ask the same thing. I do believe in Him Jinx, I believe He's there and is fully aware of this down to the most intimate detals. Why wont' God do something? I do not know. It is very hard to hold on to ones faith in light of such suffering. This world basically stinks for many people. No it should not have to be that way, but look at the imbalance of everything?

All those things you want in life? Are normal and are echoed by many. Believe me. You just want to taste life in every way, not be a bad person, but be a human being, and do something in life, try everything, see things, help others. And instead we get "this".

I don't get it either. I think of the cross a lot because if I didn't, I'd really lose it even more. And many do lose it. I would imagine that torture of the mind is possibly the worst thing to be afflicted with.

I don't know what to say Jinx, but yeah the ALA and cilantro? Um I'd steer clear of both. I wish you were under the guide of a fully train professional that could do somethign here, becuase this is just a dire situation. I dont know if DMSA could help, but I would give it a go. Its easy for people here to throw suggestions at you and possibly cause more harm in the process, but it seems nobody is helping you where you are. Certainly DMSA would probably be safer, considering it lowers the blood levels of mercury.

I wish I had more to suggest.