i have no longer control over my brain, I feel it firing up like mad, I'm havinng thoughts of doing harm to myself or my family, it's all because of brain mercury , I put a lot of it there 2 days ago when i did a 24h ALA 25mg chelation every 3 hours , yesterday eveining felt a bit better yet my mother made a goulash todayin to which she added cilantro, which i didn't know about, went crazy today I don't feel reality anymore, am paranoid about many things can't get even a small grasp of reality and feel like my mind is being overstimulated, feel like throwing things cups, glasses everywhere , major confusion and I don't really care anymore....

can't really epress what I'm going through can't even tell if what I'm writing at least expresses what i tried to say..

I doubt if my brain is ever going to be the same again, the neurons are dying everyday, am seeing myself in a mental hospital in a couple of weeks where all my talk about mercury will be regarded as delusional...
I don't know if I'm even mercury poisoned at all............

I'm very thin, my face looks bad, am balding, and already lost one mercurial teeth because it was the drilling that screwed me up really good last time....
have no personiality, don't feel like ahuman being, lost my iq, memory, SKILL, everything that I wokred for, that MADE ME ME.

life cold have been so ****beautiful****** if not for ONE choice of putting poison in my mouth years ago that I had no control of, and now have to suffer the consequnces of it, ironically magnified by disbelief of that devastating problem.

I don't want to offend anyone's beliefs here but I stopped believing in god, don't understand how he could put people through such suffering, and - sorry- the explanation that "he has a plan" doesn't work with me, it's such plainly NOT FAIR to be suffering like that, I have been mercury poisoned all my life actually, swallowed mercury thermomemeter at the age of 5, then amalgam fillings, always had issues but was never acttually happy, went through much suffering back in the past already, yet i tried not to whine about i because guess what?? I had hope it would be better one day. well, this but this sutuation tops it all, can't take it, I'm almost 24 now and still don't know what life is like, what I am like, feel like an empty box, I've tried many things but haven't expierienced them, I wan't to finally fall in love, leanr how to enjoy intimate moments, sex with a loved one, be a good person and help people, have a purpouse in life that would be worth it and drive me , feel what other people are feeling , BE A PART OF THIS GODDAMN WORLD!!!!!!!!