Hi Benza, I could relate to everything you stated. It's unreal to go through it and even more shocking when people you thought you could trust and that were true friends leave you. Ive seen some harsh things since I got toxic and it played havoc with my mind and body, I lose a relationship once I got like that. My friends weren't overly interested and all I had were my parents left. I should be thankful they remained!

They ended up being my true friends. And of course, not forgetting my fellow sufferers on here. They are the one I hold dear. The rest? As far as I'm concerned "fair weather friends". all I can say is, God help them if the same happens to them.

I would hope that I would remain by their side regardless. But it's tempting to say "stuff you, I'm ok, have a taste of your own medicine". But again, what would that make me?

So just know that you're in good company in this. It's a shocker eh? Nothign prepares you for what happens when you cop toxicity like this and how people respond to you from that moment on. You will discover that you're left with very few people standing by your side.

And like yourself, for me it's really ahrd for me to respond emotionally to things. I seem to feel nothing. Deadness and even when someone does something nice, I go through the motions of gratefulness and yet, I lack feeling. It's odd, but something I have had to deal with. yet I feel anger and grief tremendously, but not love, joy, or excitement. Before this illness, I was full of feeling, emotion and felt like "me". After this, I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. It's hard to know how to act because I dont feel like myself. I have to just do things and speak and answer, but I'm like a robot half the time.