Thankyou all for your posts apart from my family well some members you are the only ones who care about me I cant even begin to describe the pain I was in last night I truly believed my time was up my chest was so painful and my spine felt like it was going to cave in I cannot think straight any more and cry constantly the mental team and doctor said I have ME and they are arranging a medic to see me all I asked for was some sleeping tablets cos the pain was so horriiific and they struck the whole family off the panel I went to see the new doc who Ive known for years and he said the same I feel Im being punished for something I didnt do they have all made me feel so worthless and like Ive done something terrible I have tried so hard but they dont see any of that they dont even treat me like a human being my mum is almost dying of CDIF and cannot sleep they gave her the disease but wont help her I think they are all evil and I wish I could believe in God but I dont see or feel anything I never knew anyone could suffer so much pain and no one will help I dread every minute of my life cos the symptoms are so bad I feel Im being punished and I dont know why I want desperately to end my life now cos I truly cant face any more I hav nt slept for 6 nights and the doc said dont worry abuout it it you dont sleep you dont I have cried all day cos someone else took my daughtet shopping and she has gone there overnight she tells me she loves me but I feel like the worse mum in the world I have prayed and to those Ive lost that mean so much to me but found no answers I know I will not go into a pyschiatric ward I have been there and seen what theyve done to people it is barbaric I know I will take my life first Thankyou to all my friends and as bad as things are I still send you all my love Tracy xxxxxxxxxxx