"definately every God believing person has abandoned me through this illness, that cant be right can it. No one has comfoted me or given me words of strength"

Tracy, I don't understand this. Haven't God believing people on this forum supported you at all or given you any words of strength?

My parents believe in God and have supported me through this illness the whole way. I could have lost my faith many times becuase of my suffering, but I look at the cross and recall Christ also felt abandoned also.

You can't judge whether there is a GOd or not by the ones who let you down. People are people and not all of us live up to our beliefs. If you want to convince yourself there is no God, you'd only have to focus on the bad from believers and make sure you ignore all the good. And believe me there is good. You only have to look at all the organisations around the world, Christian/Catholic looking after the poor, the sick, devoting their lives to them.

I know how easy is it to lose your faith with this kind of suffering, I've had it occur many times, but something for some reason remains and I can't shake it completely. Nobody would blame you at all, many become atheists in wars and those of extreme suffering or ones who have seen it happen to others. But I don't judge all believers by the few who let me down. There are plenty out there that are good, and you've seen them on this very forum.

Well you say it is just a crutch....perhaps it is sometimes, we are asked to lean on our faith, that is what we are meant to do.