Sandi you are so brave. I dont know how your managing to cope with all of this. But I suppose like all of us we have to try to deal with whatever comes along. I remember an aunt of mine who was devoutly religious and when she got cancer she turned against God. She fought the illness for years and doctors were amazed at her I guess stubborness to die and funnily enough toward the end she found God again. I suppose the unfairness of it all makes us blame someone and if we regard him as the guy in charge he has to cop it. All my love to you and Best wishes Tracy