Jinx, could you stop worrying about being crazy and realize you made a great posting to Sandi, you can express yourself, you are still asking for help and SO WHAT about the messy room, you should see mine, could you just try and accept a little level of insanity right now and go outside and put your feet on the ground?You remind me of me testing a bruise to see if it still hurts. You may be a little nuts right now, but you can still reach out and you are not talking gibberish, so just make your game plan and figure out what your next move is , maybe someone out there has some ideas... maybe some medication to at least stabilize you and I don't mean drugs necessarily.Do you have any good homeopaths? Chinese medecine? Chi Gung? You need grounding my man, don't let go of the string, we are all behind you.