Hi Everybody,

Its been a while....I am in so much trouble. Had the worst month of my life this past month, any explanations or advice would be greatly appreciated.

Its all started begining last month, life was so good and my future looked so bright, then i got the flu, tried to fight it myself, never took any meds, during this month i slowly but surely started experiencing all my mental mercury symptoms again and an entirely new and much more scary one. The Guilt. I started feeling guilty about being alive cause im such a bad peroson and i make evryone around me's lives a missery blah blah blah

A week ago i was rushed to hospital with such a high fever and low blood pressure I should've been dead, turns out i have a respiratory and gastro infection that i am now on antibiotics for.

Guys I am terrified here where i sit because it feels like ive gone straight back to the beginning of this mercury journey. I am devestated. I fight with my BF constantly nit pik, am insanely paranoid, dont believe a word he says when logically i know its true and then I go on my guilt trip where I beat myself up for being so horrible to the one person who least deserves this. I love him so much and I know im pushing him away, the more he tries to get closer the uglier I am. Its just so crazy because I know its not me thats doing this "if you know what i mean" feels like aliens have taken over and turned me into a which.

Please help me, I need some support, whats happened to me. I am so deperatley suicidal over this as pathetic as that sounds, I am just so tired of this constant battle going on in my mind, over and over and over a battle that Im never wining, its exhausted me I just want to switch my brain of to end it all...... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />