It has nothing to do with not trying hard enough. People who have not been mercury toxic simply don't understand how hard it is. Mercury changes your very emotions.

I spent the majority of my life in depression, feeling suicidal and in emotional pain, which was mostly very intense loneliness (as you said).

I'm 42 and single because of mercury. Every relationship I've been in (I've been in about 14) was initiated by the other person because I was too shy (low esteem, etc.) to initiate a relationship myself. I didn't allow any of the relationships to continue too long (most were about 3 months, a few up to 2 years) because of a fear of commitment. This is a real loss for me because many of these woman were fantastic people who I would have married had I not been in mercury-induced fear.

Anyway, we're all in this together and I have put relationships in the custody of God. I also don't covet a relationship anymore like I used to. I learned that we basically cannot handle the things we covet so we either don't get them or if we already have them, we lose them.

Persist and I believe there will be great joy at the end of this road, now matter what it looks like now.