It's nothing to do with you as a person. It is toxicity and I've had the same thing my whole life and continue to do so. I've had to accept that I won't ever get anybody, nor could I cope with it anyway. My suffering is extreme most days, my outlook is changeable, mood changeable and I'm fearful, depressed and half the time, my own father has to look after me.

I've heard all this before also. I've had to ignore it becuase I know it's not true. I don't know why this is happening, I've prayed for it to stop for YEARS on end and nothing really ever comes right. The remote inbetween patches of thinking I'm improving, are usually destroyed by something else that comes along.

Sorry for the depressive response. But just so you know, it's pretty common in toxic people to feel this way and live this way. Your focus should only be on getting yourself through eachday and patting yourself on the back everytime you may it through another day, plus striving to find improvements/answers. The last thing that you should be doing is tryign to figure out why you're not living like other people. Your suffering is worse, it's internal and affects every single thing about you and how you look at life.

Your trying harder than any of those around you, who don't how one clue what it's like to have what you have, if they did? They'd be in the same position themselves.