I know how it is, too. I have been suicidal more times than I can count, in the last 15 years or so. I would not admit this to any of my family members, because they simply would not understand. Unfortunately, if I feel this way again, it won't be the first time, nor probably the last, either. Right now I am doing pretty decent, though, but I still have some really bad days. Please, no one give up. We all have a bond in this forum, and I love all of you. If you didn't have hope in your heart that you could still get well, you probably wouldn't be here. This is your support group. We are here for each other, so vent if you need to (I sure do), but never give up the hope of getting well. There have been more days than not, that I've had to force myself out of bed, just because I have kids to take care of. I have them to live for, and I do cry endless rivers of tears, when I think they could grow up without their mommy. When I first found this forum, I was sure I was about to die. I felt like my whole body was shutting down, and sometimes I still do, because I have fought this for so many years, and not known what I was fighting, and my body just didn't want to fight anymore. Since I have found all of you here, I have found things to try and it's given me hope. I have a lot more days that I can function now, and I am grateful.

I admit, it is nearly impossible for me to do the candida diet. I would like to be able to commit to it, but I just do not have the willpower to do it fully. I do the best I can, and am learning what I can and cannot tolerate to eat. I am doing ok with eating some regular foods in moderation, and cutting down my portions seems to be helping some (I tend to usually eat too much) and I can at least applaude myself for having the willpower to eat a lot less. I also try to get as many "organic" foods as I can find, or afford.

I wish you lived near me Tracy. I think we have many things in common, and I wish we could do this together. I don't have any real friends anymore. I guess no one really understood me, and I couldn't understand how they could be on the "go" all the time, when I needed rest. Sometimes it gets really lonely without a friend that understands.

I actually went to the dentist last week, and found out things are a LOT worse than I had previously thought. I will post about it when I get a chance. I will NEVER be able to afford to ever get well, unless I get help from the foundation. It is way beyond my means, and they said I need to do something quick, or I am going to lose the battle. If this doesn't work, I don't know WHAT I will do. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I am still holding out hope though you guys, so don't you give up either.