Please, Tracy, hang in there. I know that these can seem like meaningless words when you are feeling this way. But, we really do care about you on this forum. You bring up subjects sometimes that have been on our minds.

Many of us have had these same feelings and know exactly what you mean. We go on just because we have children or families that we don't want to cause more pain for.

I believe that it will get better for you. From what you write, you are searching in the right medical direction. You have a caring family (your daughter wrote a letter to this forum). You can be proud of raising such a caring person.

And yes, I have had these feelings. It was frightening to think that I might have followed through. You're right when you say that we can't control these feelings, but please be comforted to know how many people care about you here.