I have had the worst day of my life i woke up feeling fluey then saw my daughter off to school and felt so tired went back to bed i started to feel really angry and was sobbing uncontrollably then an overwhelming feeling of suicide came on me it was so strong i swear if id had had the means i would have done it i had no control whatsover when keith came home at lunchtime i was still sobbing and started screaming at him that i just couldnt take any more he had to give me some sleeping tablets to put me to sleep so that he could go back to work i dont know whats happening to me i cant control these feelings any more and dont know how much longer i can hang as i have no control over it.

Please, Tracy, hang in there. I know that these can seem like meaningless words when you are feeling this way. But, we really do care about you on this forum. You bring up subjects sometimes that have been on our minds.

Many of us have had these same feelings and know exactly what you mean. We go on just because we have children or families that we don't want to cause more pain for.

I believe that it will get better for you. From what you write, you are searching in the right medical direction. You have a caring family (your daughter wrote a letter to this forum). You can be proud of raising such a caring person.

And yes, I have had these feelings. It was frightening to think that I might have followed through. You're right when you say that we can't control these feelings, but please be comforted to know how many people care about you here.

Hi there,
I have been sick a long time too Tracey...Had high mercury ..had all amalgams removed...did detox....but now I started a new protocol...that is working!!!It is called the Marshall protocol...Go to www.Marshallprotocol.com ....it is used for sarcoidosis and chronic illnesses....or please email me at ms.piche@sympatico.ca and we can talk...I would like to know all your symptoms...take care Sandra

Also...I have not been diagnosed with any disease...all my tests come up clear...my mercury was high though...my VIT D was high also(marshall protocol)....My symptoms are/were..Dizziness, fatigue, foggy headed, weakness(all over), sadness, weird thoughts...Sinus pressure..Muscle twitching, balance problems, flu like..just overall feeling of sick.......I did mercury detox/plethura of supplements...got better...but not well....Started taking Benicar(drug) and low dose antibiotics(minocycline) and am getting well...This is the marshall protocol...plz email me if you would like to talk..Sandra P

thanks sandra i will e-mail you tomorrow at the moment cant stop crying ive tried so hard to fight this thing for two years nad dont wnat to lose everthing i love but i have no strength to fight any more and i see my family suffering and it breaks my heart i feel so lonley and desparate i know i didnt do it to myself but i see those around tht i love going through the pain and i just want it all to stop

Plz email me...I've been fighting my illness for 2 years...and know what you are going through...And there were days I've lost all hope...BUT don't give up....I cry a lot too...but I am starting FINALLY to get better...AND u will too..And you will look back at this some day and realize that all this Pain has made u a better, stronger person...I so know what u are going through....luv Sandra

Hang in there Tracy. Sandra mentioned that she's found a protocol that's working for her. Perhaps you should look into it as well.

I felt like ending it all today, but the thought about those suffering, prevented me from doing it. When I sometimes reflect on my life, I wonder how I made it this far without pulling the trigger. I haven't cried in years, but if I will now, I will cry a river. Men actually commit suicide 4 times more than do women. On another note, I do not know what's it like to be dead. It could be worse than being alive. I wish that life had purpose, but it doesnt. I could create purpose by believing in God, or competing to win, or to leave a mark on this earth before I leave, or something of that sort. But the truth of the matter is, I or anyone else could be gone the next second while in the purpose process. Sorry to sound pessimistic, but today is one of those days. Hang in there Tracy, you are not alone in this indeed.

You truly are not alone Tracy. I am afraid that I can't put my name on this post in case my partner decides to read (he knows about this forum).

This week must be a crap week in the stars or something I reckon. I am feeling really realy depressed and suicidal since yesterday. I am having a really hard time coping with it at work and I feel really paranoid that everyone at work dislikes me and thinks that I am an idiot. When I get like this I go really quiet at work because I feel lke everything that comes out of my mouth sounds stupid.

Sometimes I feel like it would be so much easier if I just wasn't here anymore. When I feel like this I find it so difficult to stick with the diet. All I want to do is eat crap, drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. You are not alone Tracy and Alex. Things have to look up for us one day.

Yes, I'm in the same boat. Am thinking seriously of suicide. Too many things are wrong, that I cannot seem to rise above any of this. I try and if I ever improve, something else seems to occur to pull me down. This has occured for years on end and normally I would have an optimistic outlook, but when things occur too often, it wears the most positive person down.

I'm with you guys all the way, I don't know how to go on like this anymore. My faith in God is waning also. I just feel things have become too much, but at the sametime, not knowing what death is like or what will occur, I have that fear of the ultimate as well as what it would do to my family.

Not sure how to live, yet too scared to die, but I don't wish to go on like this. It's not self pity, it sounds it, but it's pure utter desperation and woudl drive anybody into the same pit I imagine.

I know how it is, too. I have been suicidal more times than I can count, in the last 15 years or so. I would not admit this to any of my family members, because they simply would not understand. Unfortunately, if I feel this way again, it won't be the first time, nor probably the last, either. Right now I am doing pretty decent, though, but I still have some really bad days. Please, no one give up. We all have a bond in this forum, and I love all of you. If you didn't have hope in your heart that you could still get well, you probably wouldn't be here. This is your support group. We are here for each other, so vent if you need to (I sure do), but never give up the hope of getting well. There have been more days than not, that I've had to force myself out of bed, just because I have kids to take care of. I have them to live for, and I do cry endless rivers of tears, when I think they could grow up without their mommy. When I first found this forum, I was sure I was about to die. I felt like my whole body was shutting down, and sometimes I still do, because I have fought this for so many years, and not known what I was fighting, and my body just didn't want to fight anymore. Since I have found all of you here, I have found things to try and it's given me hope. I have a lot more days that I can function now, and I am grateful.

I admit, it is nearly impossible for me to do the candida diet. I would like to be able to commit to it, but I just do not have the willpower to do it fully. I do the best I can, and am learning what I can and cannot tolerate to eat. I am doing ok with eating some regular foods in moderation, and cutting down my portions seems to be helping some (I tend to usually eat too much) and I can at least applaude myself for having the willpower to eat a lot less. I also try to get as many "organic" foods as I can find, or afford.

I wish you lived near me Tracy. I think we have many things in common, and I wish we could do this together. I don't have any real friends anymore. I guess no one really understood me, and I couldn't understand how they could be on the "go" all the time, when I needed rest. Sometimes it gets really lonely without a friend that understands.

I actually went to the dentist last week, and found out things are a LOT worse than I had previously thought. I will post about it when I get a chance. I will NEVER be able to afford to ever get well, unless I get help from the foundation. It is way beyond my means, and they said I need to do something quick, or I am going to lose the battle. If this doesn't work, I don't know WHAT I will do. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I am still holding out hope though you guys, so don't you give up either.

Yes, me too, and the feelings of suicidal can come at any time which is very scarey, it doesnt just creep up it comes in a flash.
The big black hole sucks me in for some more torture and its so unfair.
If it wasnt for you guys i would be dead for sure, you keep me going, i am so grateful, you are my best friends.

That's how I feel, Bex. I'm right on the edge and even though I've been a Christian for more than 20 years I have come close to losing my faith.

Every time I've heard stories told by mercury toxic persons who attempted to commit suicide, they later said that they did not realize at the time what the consequences would be. This holds true for me as well. Knowing what I know now, I'm so glad I never succeeded.

It's important for anyone who is contemplating suicide, to contact someone for help.

All I can say is, in my research I've discovered that there are evil people in high places who would love nothing more than to see you remove yourself from this life. Don't give them the satisfaction of giving in to this urge for it too shall pass and it will be a loss for all of us.

Evey day you continue is a victory in the war against mercury because it builds the strength and depth of your personal testimony that you will share with others when you do recover, and you should NEVER underestimate the power of your personal testimony.

What you do in your life intimately affects many others around you so try to think of them if you cannot find the strength to live for yourself.

I cannot stress enough how important it is to not give up. You will understand why when you do recover, and you can.

Well said, Russ.

Amen to what Russ and others said here folks!

Russ- i especially agree with your comment on this: "All I can say is, in my research I've discovered that there are evil people in high places who would love nothing more than to see you remove yourself from this life. Don't give them the satisfaction of giving in to this urge for it too
shall pass and it will be a loss for all of us."

I've often pondered how the Elite behind the Establishment of our day really is going about a hidden population control-- and mercury , flouride, chlorinated water, chemtrails- An increased push on pharmacuetical drugs, chemical food additives that amount to rat poisoning, additives added to food that increases diabetes and heart disease. The list goes on.

It's obvious to me that the powers that be in the Western World and abroad must meet together to look for "subtle" ways of population control. They do it underhanded because otherwise would be called genocide.

It was already in the media that there are concerns America is overpopulated. well, yeaeeeeahhh-- When we open the borders to Illegal immigrants!.. DUH!

So it wouldnt surprise me that their fight to keep mercury in everything-- even with all the protest we give them, is because it comes in handy in keeping the masses under their control.

I wouldnt kil myself, because like Russ said- why give these arrogant Elite the satisfaction! Suicides in the middle classes make them happy, because it keeps us from getting out of hand.

Don't forget-- God does exist. and the suffering you are experiencing at the present moment can not compare to the happiness you will experience with God after you get through this.

And I wouldn't want to be in these Elite Iluminati ruling class folks shoes when they one day meet their Maker. Everything being done on Earth is being recorded and is not going unnoticed.
Hang in there!!

hugs
Boldylocks

Well said, Boldyloxx. May I suggest that you watch the DVD Planned Population Reduction by Dr. Stan Monteith. You can buy it on the internet. Dr. Monteith does an excellent job of talking about population control and he briefly mentions mercury.

"The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper."

—Aristotle

Signs of the times,for all beleivers,this has been written,along with 99% of every evil activity that goes on in the world we live in.

Thanks everyone. It helps to hear this, really it does. It's very hard when I had my amalgams removed 10 years ago and have been through all the chelations, everything and was improving.

I know for me personally, that I am now dealing with things I'm unable to recover from. They are a permanent condition, which I have to learn now to deal with and live with and it's a nightmare. To think I was healing once is very hard now when everything fell apart because of some viral infection, and other infections, which my body is not recovering from. IT's been years, so it's not about giving it time any longer, I've given it most of my young life and nothing is changing from one day to the next. The most I ever get is on occassion I can gain a little more control over things, but this is easily tipped back into severe symptoms from one mishap. Either eating faintly the wrong, thing or taking somethign etc, or chelating wrongly. This is not a way to live, but it's how I must live and I imagine many others have to also.

This is why, for many of us, it's not just about time and detoxing from mercury as it's been for some, it "can" be much more than that if things are not changing from one year to the next.

So I feel that we do need to hear these things too about what is happening in the world and the signs of the times, not just about hanging in there and healing, as I've heard that for years on end and lost my youth regardless of the efforts made.

I am on a track now where I am having to find out what happened to destroy the progress I was once getting and to try and seek help. I've had many contradictory reports from dentists and doctors and I'm pretty much on my own now with tryign to contro lthe symptoms.

Thanks again everybody for your support and input in all this, we are all walking a similar path, with our own personal sufferings. Some do not always gain the success others have had from mercury detox, because as I mentioned, there can be other aspects interferring or even preventing progress as with myself!

I'm starting to think that some of these hard to deal with symptoms may be caused by autoimmunity. Take autistic kids for example, they get a few shots of vaccines that might contain say 100mcg of mercury and then a few years later they have 10mg/L of mercury in their blood. It seems to me that a little mercury can cause a permanent disability in the body's ability to remove mercury.

Not only that but the viruses themselves in vaccines are able to cause autoimmune problems. Aside from cancer, autoimmune disease is the number one disease in the modern world (and it can be argued that cancer is also a malfunction of the immune system).

Autoimmunity is when the body's immune system attacks perfectly healthy cells. The more I look into it the more I find evidence that common ailments like hypothyroidism coincide with some form of autoimmunity even if it isn't the commonly known forms of autoimmune hypothyroidism.

Even if you remove all of your amalgams and chelate all of the mercury out of the body, the body's immune system still believes that healthy cells are the enemy and will continue to destroy them. So we not only need to remove the source of the problem but I think we also need to consider this problem from an autoimmune perspective.

It is not surprising that many of us do not feel much better, since there is "no known cure" for autoimmune diseases, but I'm sure there is, and I don't think it will be the drug companies who will be promoting it!

Sandra P mentioned the Marshall Protocol above. I only just had a brief look at it and it mainly focuses on autoimmune diseases. They use pharmaceutical drugs and promote avoiding Vit D, so I'm not sure how I feel about it, but apparently they have had success in curing sarcoidosis which apparently has "no known cure".

There is hope,

Jolon.

Dear Jolon there is so much truth in everytihing you have posted here. When my immune system was tested at a private hospital it actually came back saying just this that my own immune system was attacking my good cells. The docs just laughed and said what a load of rubbish and wouldnt even look at it. I do truly believe that some of us have a multitude of things going on if only some one would listen.

Jolon,
I also have looked at the Marshall Protocol and am also quite unsure about it.It is great that it is helping some people who previously couldn't get relief but I am concerned about the long term effects of using antibiotics and other pharmaceutical drugs.
If you remove the source of your problem the body has an amazing ability to heal itself given the right resources. Autoimmune is a huge part of what a lot of us have but people do recover by chelating, eating a healthy diet, and taking the appropriate supplements etc and BELIEVING THEY WILL GET BETTER. I have recently met a lady who was confined to a wheelchair she was so bad and now is nearly back to her old self. Look at Russ and Laura also.

Tracy, I can't believe your Drs! They must be mercury poisoned (ie mad as a hatter!) Ask them to test your antibodies in a blood test. That will show to the satisfaction of the medical profession if there is an autoimmune response happening.

asked last time i went jid they said they wer'nt prerapared to waste the money on me