I don't think that's something anyone can givae an answer to.
It's directly in the spirits given off.
think about it why do some people attract any,and everyone to them without even trying,while others no matter what they do can never get an ounce of attention from anyone.
My suggestion is to stop drinking and seek some spiritual guidance (just my opinion),just spend more time with yourself and rebuild you self esteem,and i think it will all come together.
How you view the world from the inside is not how how it views you from the outside looking in.
It may seem rather deep but it makes plenty sense.