Bex,

You are smart, and have enough energy for this forum, all i'm saying is feel blessed (not in a religious sense, if you don't want) find some spirituality. Maybe its meant to be this way right now. If you still have your mind, which by the posts you make i'm sure you do..use it, fill it with "how i'm gonna beat this" not possitive thinking-never said that. Too much energy talking about how bad it is all the time hurts the soul. I know you're angry, so am i sometimes. But instead of thinking why me, think why not me. Some people have really terrible things happen to them in this world, we are lucky in some ways, we have support, this forum and i'm sure a few good friends. I'm sorry you took my post wrong, I can't change that, but for the record:

I once was in the England Karate team, rock climber, avid hiker, runner, kayaker, paraglider pilot, scuba diver and some more. Can't do any of those things at the moment. Broke my back 4 years ago paragliding, L1 fracture, c5/6 disc crushed. Recently descovered i'm murcury toxic, 3 days in the hospital with chest pain, muscle pain and twitching. Bad head aches, kidney pain and a mouth full of amalgams.

So Bex, i'm not looking at you from the outside, i'm in it too.