As repelling as this is to swallow, I don't know if there is an easy road for those who believe. It seems that those who believe appear to get the most trials...is this coincidence? Or are the words of Christ applicable here "Take up your cross and follow me". Perhaps we are asked to walk our own calvary also, in the hope of the resurrection.

I don't mean that as a way of saying oh well, you might as well give up because this is it, but perhaps this suffering is far more meaningful than people realise. I do not know, I feel like giving up personally, but sometimes I have to try and remind myself of this a bit more.

I still have to keep going and try and find ways of finding health and improvements though, I don't pray half as much as I should because many times I"ve been angry and bitter at God, but I try and hold on and not blame Him, but it does get very hard. We're just human.