I think it is natural to doubt and be frustrated when you are going through all the things that we have/are with hg poisoning. I personally felt that I had a close relation with God before all this, then as I prayed for answers and help to get better and years went by I also found myself wondering why I had to endure this. Someone told me to pray for patience, but I didn't want that I wanted to feel good now.

I learned to pray for patience.

Many times you hear people talk about how they were glad that they had cancer or some other trying time in their life that it had made them closer to God, a better person etc. I remember feeling guilty that I certainly didn't feel happy about my trials and didn't think that I would ever say that I was glad for the experience. I now understand that no one feels that way while they are in the middle of the storm. You can't see the things that you have learned and such until you have come through the storm- or at least the storm is reduced <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> And I still can't say that I am happy for my hg.

I had many days that I wishedd that God would just take me on, I just didn't want to deal with it any longer. Last year our 18 year old niece was killed in a car wreak. Prayers didn't keep her from dying. These things really started to make me question a lot of things.

I now have spent many hours thinking about life and reading the Bible and I have come to a whole new outlook (I guess you could call it) on life. I still believe that God is in control, but I think he has set this world in motion and many bad things happen and also many good things, but he doesn't control these things everyday. Yes, I do still believe in the power of prayer and I do think that God will change things if he sees fit, but we just can't see the big picture like he can. Maybe he didn't keep Amy alive because she might of had a terrible life after that. I don't know. Maybe he didn't heal me right away because I wouldn't have come to the knowledge of what is the only important thing ultimately in this life. I do think that he led me down the right path to get to where I am today. Possibly to this forum-it was very helpful for me especially when I was down and just not doing well.

My walk with God is much closer now than before. I still want to be healthy and still don't like it when I don't feel well, but I know that God will help me through these difficult times and that trials will make me a better person-I still don't enjoy them at the time, but I know that good will come out of it later on. If nothing else, trials certainly have made me realize that this world is not my home and I look forward to better things <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I pray differently now also. I pray for a good attitude, to be nice, understanding, feel good today (still in there some times) and I feel that it is sort of my mission now to help others at church and other people I come in contact with to find better health.

Sorry to go on. I just don't want to see you all get down and discouraged. I think that the devil plants those thoughts in our minds and uses our weak moments to get at us.

I pray that God will give you endurance and peace and that your health will improve quickly and if not quickly-give you patience as well.