I understand what you are saying totally.
I go day to day seeming like i am fighting against myself constantly,sort of like i have no control over my own body and mind.
Noone will ever understand unless they've been through it.
I have refused to take pharmacuetical anti depressants,because they are toxic,and you more than likely will become dependent on them,but i am now willing to try something natural,just to get through the day.
Is ther anything that is highly recommended,that i may not be aware of.