My family doesn't believe I am ill. My mother passed away a few years ago, and my father remarried. Now whenever my father's wife's family has an event I get pressured to go. The most recent event is a dinner in honor of one of her children. I tried to explain to them that I need to avoid places with plenty of people as I am very sensitive to perfumes, colognes, and other scents. Even so, they still try to pressure to go to events in crowded placse with many people, or that I need to take a crowded bus or train to get to the event. How do I deal with these people? Every time they have an event it becomes a major issue that I can't attend.

I have the same chemical sensitivities also and know what you are dealing with ,I can't be around my wife when she is wearing any type of fragerance ,It will give me an instant headach and have a hard time breathing ,as for the social events you may want to start a small part time business ( for example: handyman or something that you are good at and feel comfortable doing for other people) this will give you an excuse to miss the next social function because you are trying to get you your new business started , most people will understand this ,instead of tring to explain about your chemical sensitivity or mercury toxicity.

You don't know these people. They would interrogate me to find out exactly which urgent unpostponable appointment I have at exactly that time. When they had their last event they tried to pressure me to cancel a dentists appointment since the appointment might have taken long and I might have had to miss their event. I told them I refuse to cancel the dentist appointment and that I might have to miss their event because of it. The appointment didn't finish that late, and I was pressured to attend the event. This is what I have to deal with. My big mistake was attending many of her family's events at the start when I wasn't so chemically sensitive. Now it is very bad though. Stragely enough, I think my energy level is greatly improved most of the time even though my chemical sensitivity is much worse.

Even if I wasn't sick though, do I have an obligation to attend her family's events? I don't think so. What do you think? I tried talking to my father about being pressured to attend her family's events and that it isn't right for him and her family to do that to me. That didn't work though.

Move far away, someplace pretty, tell them they are welcome to visit you anytime. A remote mountain top is a perfect hideaway... often inaccessible in winter, so nice and peaceful...

You could always arrive covered from head to toe in a space suit or something,they probably won't ever invite you again ,just joking,I know this is a real problem,I am also sensitive to everything it seems,and forever have to miss special events,but usually because of lack of energy or feeling too anxious.
It's tricky when people don't understand or even try to
I suppose you have to be honest and firm.Explain the way it is & that's it.Explain to them the sacrifice you'll have to make to your health if you attend the event,will you be bed bound for the next 2 days...or how it will effect you. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/flu.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/sadblownose.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/stretcher.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/ambulance.gif" alt="" />

You could always wait untill the day,&see how you are feeling.The way I see it is that you are not obligated to attend anything,you need to look after your health first,it's so important,and you should not be pressured into doing anything you don't feel comfortable about.

"You could always wait untill the day,&see how you are feeling"

It is a formal dinner and they need to notify the caterer in advance how many will attend.

"The way I see it is that you are not obligated to attend anything,you need to look after your health first,it's so important,and you should not be pressured into doing anything you don't feel comfortable about.


I wish it was that simple. To be honest, even if I was completely well I would not want to go to her family's events. I feel out of place there. The chemical sensitivity has caused me to miss a number of things I didn't want to miss, and to be forced to suddenly leave certain events that I thought would be okay to attend due to low attendance when I was feeling very sick from cooking odors or perfumes, colognes, etc. These odors can have a very nasty effect on me and suddenly make me go from feeling great to having muscle ache, a headache, or trouble breathing properly.

yes ,you are in a awkward position ,the only other thing that I would suggest is to come straight out and say NO !!!!!, you will just have to be firm on the issue , after all they are not in your shoes and do not know what hell they are putting you throught at these events , what is the worst that they will do to you compared to the hell that you have to endure for sometime after these events ,and if your wife really is sympathetic to your illness , she will understand , if not you may have to find ANOTHER WIFE THAT WILL ,there are times when you have to be selfish and this is one of those times ( don't back down) they will never understand what you are going through unless they are mercury poisoned too so don't expect them to ( It's time to be a mean bastard )

"and if your wife really is sympathetic to your illness , she will understand"

I am still single and am unattached. Sometimes I am glad I am single, while at other times I wish I would be married. Oh well.

I had the same problem.I have been sick for 2 yrs not knowing what was going on with me,I was first told M.S ,brain tumor,its in your head,ect... My mother told me to move to florida so my family could help me and after not living around any family for 10 yrs I THOUGHT it was a good ideal.So we moved to florida in feb.and my family thinks i'm crazy and when I talk about whats going on they change the subject .So I dont say anything anymore.Mind you we got a house,jobs,within 3 days of being here and not needing financial help from my mother or two sisters.I was hoping for compassion,concern,and physical help on the bad days.I dont get that.
I have two reasons im glad I moved here 1. I finally got diagnosed with mercury poisoning and 2.The weather is nice.But as far as family they wont understand evan if its in black and white in front of them.I think its because they will always think of you being well.So do what makes you feel good because is it really worth being sick for days to make them happy if your unhappy? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yourmedicine.gif" alt="" />

"I was hoping for compassion,concern,and physical help on the bad days.I dont get that."

It would be nice to have that, although at this point I would just be happy if they wouldn't pressure me to attend her family's events.

sorry for the wife comment ,I assumed that you were married , personally i try not to mention my illness around the house , I know that my wife is sympathetic to a certain degree ,so i try not to push the issue and she can tell when I am having a bad day , she will not ask to much of me on those days , 6 months post amalgam removal ,around mid august started dumping mercury from the organs and some days still feel like when amalgams were in ,hope it does not last to much longer ,felt like I was almost cured up to that point , any
way unless people see a cast on you or a big crutch or some kind of visual injury ,you will not get an once of sympathy ,that is why you have to what is best for you my friend ,no one will help you ,but you.

except for us ,

you are pretty much alone in this struggle

I have the same problems sometimes but I finally figured out it was up to me to do what has to be done for me. At first my family did not understand why I couldn't go and do like I used to. I also react to smells,lights and loud or shrill noises. It was hard for them to understand but they are finally getting it. I just had to do what i needed to do.....not so many days of feeling bad that way. Now if they want to spend time with me they do it my way or not at all. Ya gotta get tough!!! Take Care. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/byebye.gif" alt="" />