As a lot of people know I am withdrawing from Benzo's I can only describe this as hell on Earth. The interesting thing is three people on the TRAP website are also withdrawing and going through pure hell, and all of these have had Mercury fillings removed. One is a dentist. They describe some of their symptoms and are sure they are related to the withdrawal effects, but some are equivalent to what people on here are experiencing. I am totally confused again now as to whether the Benzos are in fact to blame for all these withdrawal effects or some of these people have toxic poisoning and don't relaise it. It's a minefield of questions. I am feeling worse than I've ever felt . Have no idea what to do next. Doctor is going to put me back on the B12 injections, but then one questions , why as your body stopped absorbing it. B12 deficiency can cause many symptoms both mental and pyhsical. He can't explain my abnormal red cell count and said I should stop getting up and trying to do things but stay in bed all day. Hello what qualilty of life is that? I will not rest until I find the answers, encouraged me to go back to the private hospital as it would save the NHS money. What a suprise. Have to say this may be inappropriate but it is amazing. As several people know I ,and not so immmediate family have had the most amazing experiences since my sister died. But I still struggled with the God belief. Well her partner is also a disbeliever in absolutely nothing after death. Yesterday he was called to the Walsgrave Hospital, about 40 miles away to install a photocopier. A woman entered the room, dressed in ordinary clothing and said " you are Rodger, your partner just died, shes with God" and then left. He was so unsettled he had to go home. Then Keith and I had a discussion about the fact from being total unbelievers in life after death we are now 100% sure there is definately something, but still struggled with the notion of God. Well Keith went to Morrisons, my sister's favourite superstore after and the security guard he had the first encounter with was there. Keith hasn't seen him there since a few days after my sister died. He followed Keith around the store and said you must give these to your wife, Keith said could I visit him in Hinckley and he said no I'm from Coventry where the Walsgrave hospital is. He also gave me his phone number and said I must phone im. Copy of poem, I think sent to make me believe.

"I 'M FREE"

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free, I'm following paths God made for me , I took his hand, I heard him call, then turned and bid farewell to all. I could not stay another day, to laugh to sing to pray. Tasks left undone, must stay that way, I found my peace at close of day. And if my parting left a void, then fill it with remembered joy. A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss. Ah yes, these things I too will miss. Be not be burdened deep with sorrow, I wish you all the sunshine of tomorrow. My lfe's been full, I savoured much Good friends, good times, my loved one's touch. Perhaps my time seemed all to brief, don't lengthen it now with undue grief. Lift up your heart and share with me God wants me now, he set me free. God didn't promise days without pain
laughter without sorrow
or sun without rain
But God did promise
strength for the day
comfort for the tears and a light for the way.
And for all who believe in His Kingdom of love
He answers their faith,
with peace from above.

My niece was appproached from someone in church the day before this happened and was told that even though the doctor's proclaimed my sister to be brain dead. She was approched in her mind by God and told she had fought asthma all her life and her brain was so starved of oxygen, she could choose to live without much brain activity and in a wheel chair for the rest of her life or go in peace wth him and she chose to go. My niece had never visited that church before and didn't know the woman. I know this all sounds incredibly bizarre and some of you guys must think , yep finally lost it, but as some of you know about 6 total disbelievers have had the most unewxpainable things happen to us as if to prove we are wrong. Perhaps this is not an appropriate thread, but just had the compulsion to share and let people know, me who started off the " DOES GOD EXIST THREAD" Well how can I have any doubts now and if anyone is interested to know the other experiences please private post me . Peace and love to you all Tracy x

If these things have meaning for you Tracy, then that is what's important. You can reflect on them and ask yourself how you think and feel about them, and what they mean to your life. Others here could add their own interpretations but I think you could probably guess what they'd say, after reading the Does God Exist thread, yes? This is special for you and the answers will be there inside if you look.

As for the symptoms, you're in benzo withdrawal hon. I know you were unwell beforehand, but there's this on top of it now. Benzos are notoriously addictive and the symptoms you've described are right in line with what you can expect to experience in a cold turkey withdrawal. Even most mainstream GPs ought to know this, I don't know why yours doesn't seem to. If you want to make this easier for yourself then I strongly suggest you find an alternative supplier of your drug, go back to a dosage where the withdrawal subsides, and do a gradual taper.

Take care Tracy,
Linda.

Peace and love to you, Tracy. ya don't have to convince me of a dang thing, an Ah won't say Ah told ya so, neither. Glad to hear someone gets it. Ah'm thinkin your sister was on a high mission to bring your family together wih love an reassurance for the difficult path y'all are on. Betcha sometimes y'all are completely Godsmacked!
Linda seems to have good info on the withdrawal stuff, maybe later y'all could do some sophisticated chelation. Ah had some experience with a good guy but not so near where y'all are. Ah think it's purty hard to think the NHS is gonna help ya regain any semblance a true health.